Please Leave A Message
I don’t know about you, but I would think given our massive growth in technology, our universal ability to multitask and the ensuing speed with which we need things to get done, we could have finally figured out what to do after the beep.
On the rare occasion I call my mother at work, when I reach that 5th ring and begin to realize she won’t be picking up, I can’t help but get a little bit queasy. Sometimes I break into cold sweats merely thinking about the 5 solid minutes I’m going to have to sit and wait through before I get to say something – 1 minute for the phone to ring another 5 times, and 4 minutes for her to explain to me what I already know.
“Hi, you’ve reached Holly. I’m either on the phone or currently away from my desk, but if you leave your name, number, time you called and a brief message, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you, have a nice day.” (more…)
He’s Just Into Himself, Most Likely
Over the weekend I caught up with an old friend visiting from LA. We got to talking about boys and this guy she’s been dating for a month and a half. Let me preface by saying my friend is by no means a typical girl. She’s not clingy, she’s not obsessive, she doesn’t even like the guy all that much. What the following comes down to is principle and overall lack of common sense.
It seems this BF of hers has no problem going an easy 4-6 days at a time not contacting her, at all, even though both proclaimed they were in it for a serious relationship. As a normal human being (one would assume), when you don’t hear from someone in 4-6 days, someone who supposedly likes ya a whole lot and wants to be with you all the time, you start to wonder if maybe he actually isn’t as interested as he says (or thinks). (more…)
So Which One Is Stifler?
What do 1999 teen comedy American Pie and 2010 Fox super-show Glee have in common? A lot more than you might realize.
Exhibit A: Finn versus Oz.
Since watching American Pie over the weekend, I’ve been suffering from extremely strong convictions that Finn Hudson is in fact Chris Ostreicher. Tall, awkward, impressionable jock joins glee club where he expresses his inner most emotions, discovers he’s got a remarkably bigger heart than the idiots he hangs out with and falls in love with his dream Gleek? C’mon. How many times did that happen to you in real life? I mean, ignoring the fact that my high school didn’t exactly have a glee club, that storyline is about as rare as a 16-year-old as weird as Jason Biggs getting a hot foreign exchange student naked in his bedroom.¹
Writing About Not Writing About the Things I’ve Been Wanting to Write About
Well slap my ass and call me lazy, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve graced these here interwebs with my presence. And for that I apologize. It’s been so long since I’ve updated the blog that I actually just spent an hour reading some old posts and wondering what kind of moron would write such ridiculous things.
To be fair, I have made a list of things I’ve been wanting to write about – I just haven’t gotten around to writing about them. You see, now that I’m no longer unemployed, my life is dramatically different. For starters, I used to have a witching hour between 2 and 3 am where I would be insanely productive and energized. This was normally when I’d write the most or clean my room or do laundry – sometimes all 3 at once. Since I have to be up at 5am now, I can barely stay awake past 10pm. Therefore I get nothing done. I haven’t written, I have not cleaned my room, and if I don’t do laundry soon I’m going to inadvertently kill off everyone in my office when I walk in Monday morning. (more…)
Fleet Week 2010
Is it me, or do people seem more patriotic this year? It seems like folks are more into remembering our fallen soldiers than firing up the barbecue and celebrating the official start of summer.
I spent Sunday in the city, enjoying fleet week¹ and taking in the summer air. A friend and I took one of those 90 minute cruises around the harbor. I hadn’t done it in so long and I was itching to be out on a boat so I figured this was my best bet. The tour guide was an absolute tool and spent most of the 90 minutes talking like a Brooklyn do-da-do about September 11th and the Statue of Liberty. It was like tough-guy talk, like lookie here, no one can mess with America kind of talk for 85 some odd minutes. And I had to restrain myself multiple times from pushing him overboard. Aside from him, though, it was a pleasant ride. The day was beautiful, the views even more so. It made me appreciate New York in a way that I hadn’t in a long time.
Later that night was spent bar-hopping with another friend who had met some sailors a few days prior and wanted to meet up with them. I liked meeting these guys because they all had different and interesting stories and it was cool to get to know them. We ended up hanging out with 2 of them, Sam and Matt, by the end of the night, walking from one bar downtown and across town, up through Times Square, where neither one of our new friends had ever been. (more…)
I’ve Got to Admit It’s Getting Harder
So kids, it’s late on a Saturday night, which means one more full day before my unemployment officially ends. It’s starting to get emotional and I HATE THIS PART.
Part of the reason I was eager to start working 2 days after the company extended me an offer was because I was just there for an interview and it all felt really positive. I knew if I had to wait an extra week, I’d forget about the nice people I met and the confidence I had in my interview and spend the next 7 days thinking of what I’m going to miss most about not having a job and how much I’m going to screw this up.
Seriously, what if the job is harder than I thought? What if it’s been so long since I’ve worked that I don’t remember how to pay attention and listen and heed instructions? What if I make one wrong move and the whole company is forced to shut down? Then I’ll be out of a job again, and I’ll undoubtedly have people threatening my life to boot. (more…)
The Unemployment Fifteen
Long gone are the days of the “Freshman 15,” for me, anyway. Surprisingly enough, during my Freshman year of college I was on the losing end of the 15 pound seesaw, but really that was only because there was no place to get food once I was done with my day so I usually ate about once a week. And then I got pneumonia and almost died so generally speaking, that’s not the way to go. (more…)
Do You Believe In Love At First Sign?
I believe in signs as much as the next guy. And signs are funny because when they’re about you, you’re all about them. When they’re about other people you’re all “you’re crazy, it’s just a coincidence.”
A friend of mine was having issues with a recent ex-boyfriend and how she felt signs kept popping up everywhere with his name, face and things that he would talk about. My response? (more…)
500 Days of Winter
It has been exactly 500 dark, cold and gloomy days since I received my college degree. And on this, the 500th day of my life’s winter, I finally got a job.
Now who’s stupid?
Well, still me. But in 100 years and a $100,000 student loan repayment, we’ll talk.
Now, I really, really don’t want to dwell on the things I will undoubtedly miss about unemployment, but I’ve had roughly 500 days of it (minus the days I worked part-time at various establishments) and I think it’s time to look forward. So I’m going to suck it up and elaborately say goodbye to my “time off.” Because this job thing, well, it’s a bittersweet symphony for sure. But isn’t life? (more…)
Self Reassurance?
I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying resume-writing skills. I will not base my self-worth on my horrifying res….
Maybe if someone hired me, I could base my self-worth on that?
